This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
