Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
