apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
