Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
