I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
