In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize