it wasn't lemon gatorade
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
