Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
