Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
