I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
