oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize