does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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