I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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