just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize