Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
