I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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