meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
