Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
