Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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