Please, let me fuck your mom
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
