Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
