what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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