There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
