11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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