you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
