It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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