summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
