if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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