All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize