i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
