Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
