Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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