Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
