you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
