It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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