Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
