I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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