it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
