these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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