is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
what day is it and did you see me today?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
