just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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