Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
