anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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