He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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