she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
