I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
