you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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