just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
