I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize