this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
