Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
a search helicopter?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
