Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
