do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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