he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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