that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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