Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
