lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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