It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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