Define "chronic" masturbator.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
