remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize