Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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