I am full of burrito and curiosity
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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