I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
