i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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