i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
