I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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