just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
