Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
