I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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